The columns and writings of
Peggy L. Elliott
""  Americans Need Not Apply

Dateline:  San Locos da Porta Potie, Mexico

This once sleepy little Mexican border town is the scene of the largest mass illegal immigration apprehension made to date.  The capture is only the latest incident in the escalating crisis, as the river of illegal aliens continues to flood over the southern U.S. border into Mexico.

On Wednesday evening, over three-hundred fifty unemployed U.S. job seekers, tightly wedged into four school buses and disguised in nuns‘ habits, were spotted by locals, who immediately summoned the Mexican Border Authorities.  The "Mi Casa non Su Casa" branch of the Mexican Army (aka the "Meenies") seized the entire group, foiling their attempt to enter Mexico.

Local residents were anxious to report on their role in the round-up.  "Right away we knew there was something weird going on.  When the buses pulled up at the fence, all these 'Sisters' piled out, slashing and cutting at the barbed wire.  When the habits got stuck in the barbs their language was not that usually associated with  those who have been taken as the Bride of Christ, if you know what I mean."

Others reported many of the masquerading desperadoes sported moustaches or beards, again, not consistent with the wearing of a nun’s habit.

Today's mass arrest is only the latest of many, as the crisis that's befallen Mexico's northern neighbor continues, forcing those growing legions of unemployed U.S. residents to pursue more desperate measures in their attempt to secure relief - relief thousands have come to believe is just over that southern border.

With the U.S. firmly entrenched in the Sixth Cycle of the Bush Dynasty, twin presidents, Jenna and Barbara Bush, have promised to remain true to the economic course set by their family's previous administrations, from their father, George W., to Uncles, Jeb, "The Hijacker's Banker" Bush, Neil, "Love Them Asian Chicks" Bush, and Marvin, "Keeping the WTC Safe" Bush. 

President Jenna, preparing for a two-week Spa Get-a-Way at Camp David ("It's pronounced 'Dahveed' now, you know"), shrugged off warnings that the country is in the throes of an horrific economic landslide, and immediate action must be taken to relieve and protect those who are victims of the Bush fiscal policies. 

“Well, I was always taught that if it’s good for the wealthy, then it's good enough for us!  ’Cause that IS us - We ARE wealthy!  And when you have wealthy people around, there's always some money that sort of reaches the poor people, because we need things done for us and we have to pay for these services, or whatever.  Like having our sweet little Chihuahuas bathed.  If there were no poor people, why, our little babies would be dirty!”

Asked to comment on the accusation that the “Twins are fiddling while the U.S. burns,” Barbara replied, amidst the giggling of her sister, Jenna, “That is just so untrue.  Neither of us even know how to play a musical instrument!”
The desperate situation now ravaging the once stable middle-, working-class segment of the U. S. population was set in motion during the reign of Bush II.  When he issued the executive order exempting from all U.S. tax obligations any corporate headquarters located within the United States, Bush II had promised a boon to the economy. "Why, there's gonna be manna from heaven falling all over us!  We're gonna be rolling in it!"

What followed was an unprecedented rush by foreign corporations to relocate their headquarters into the U.S.  Thus prompting many of the plan's critics to wonder if it might be something other than "manna" Bush was now dumping over the general population.

"One man's 'manna' is another man's 'manure,' and I sure think this is what we're getting buried in right now," remarked Senator Jay Leno (CA).
No longer requiring a U.S. manufacturing base to function as tax write-offs, corporations gleefully took advantage of the opportunity to move their manufacturing operations far from the land of, as Board of Directors referred to them, those "perpetually whining factory  workers." 

And so, off the manufacturing jobs went.  Off to far away lands, where there were no annoying unions to worry about, a labor force that worked for little and complained even less, and where never is heard a discouraging word referring to the absence of employee benefits. 

All over America, the now unemployed "whiners" took to the streets, protesting the loss of their jobs. In response to the initial public outcry and mass demonstrations, Bush II, acting in his capacity as Commander in Chief, took the unprecedented measure of dissolving Congress - a measure he enforced through the gentle persuasion of his Armed Forces. 

To justify these drastic actions, Bush II appealed to the people’s patriotic pride, asking for their continuing trust in his leadership.  "What has Congress ever done for you?  Why, there wasn't an honest one in the bunch, just out to take all they could get from the struggling souls they'd been entrusted to represent and protect.  But, hey, what did we expect?  After all, they're all lawyers and WE know what lawyers are, don't we?  Un-American, that's what! 

Why, I have proof through private surveillance recordings that the entire group was getting ready to rise up and bring down your government!  Bring down all that is sacred and good!  They wanted to keep your president - to whom you have entrusted your lives - from taking immediate action to defend this country from terrorists who are out to destroy our way of life and all we hold most dear!  Tying the administration’s hands in such a manner, during a period of a Code Red alert, could have well meant the annihilation of you and your family! 

And, even more shocking, I'd received a confidential report exposing the plot being undertaken by several highly placed senators to remove the words ’In God We Trust’ from our money!   

Now, don’t you be fooled.  Those people operating there in that House and Senate were nothing but terrorists, and there's no room for them anywhere in this great and glorious country of ours!  No patriot could ever stand by and allow them to continue eroding the rights so many of our brave men and women have fought and died for, so that you and your children could live in the land of the free!

Tonight we send our most heartfelt gratitude to almighty God for showing us the way to our salvation and freeing us all from that ill-fated tyranny!" 

As expected, the bleeding heart liberals were appalled by what they insisted in calling a “coup d’état.”  But soon people took note of the fact that their lives really weren’t much different, with or without a Congress to support.  Their senators and congressmen had been passing along the responsibility for social programs to the states and private charitable organizations for a long time, anyway.

And nobody much cared when the silly charade referred to as an “election” was finally phased out completely.  After all, it took a long time to go and vote, there was no reward for the effort, and the candidate you voted for never seemed to win.  So why bother to vote at all?  Might as well save some money.  The Bush Dynasty was now officially  entrenched, and remains so, to this day.

Then, as the ranks of the unemployed continued to stack up and their struggle grew more desperate, finding no help anywhere and facing a future every bit as grim, a solution so bright - yet so simple - burst over the long-suffering, it rivaled any of the Bush Day Firework celebrations.

"Our jobs still exist, right?  They just don't happen to be HERE.  But what's to keep us from simply going back to the jobs we lost - even if it means moving to Mexico?!" 

Indeed, the positions they had once filled did still exist.  The manufacturing facilities previously operated in the U.S. had merely been dismantled and slapped back together in  new locations, where they were running three shifts, 24-hours a day, seven days a week. 

There in Mexico, Central and South America, as well as in India, Pakistan and all over the Asian rim, corporations now enjoyed huge profits that would never be eaten into by an over-demanding workforce.  These new factory jobs offered the local workers rock-bottom wages, no wasteful fringe benefits to support and, a major consideration, no unions to kowtow to - corporate Nirvana!

But these Americans, victims of corporate and political greed, had hit upon a solution for their predicament - and by the thousands they began sneaking south, illegal aliens crossing the U.S./Mexican border determined to retrieve the jobs they'd lost.

They did not speak the language, were not quick to assimilate into the society, but they did know their jobs and worked well.  They expected to be treated fairly, with respect, to make a living wage and have benefits to ease many of life's struggles. 

They believed their Mexican counterparts should have the same benefits afforded them, as well.  They were every bit the problem all those corporate suits believed them to be, and a very bad influence on the native workforce.

Rapidly disappearing were the days when the local Mexican workforce would gratefully acknowledge their corporate bosses, "Thank you so much, master, for the five-cents per day for my 18-hours of work and the half-day off on Sundays!" 

Oh, yes.  As Americans filtered south, back into their old jobs, all of the workers' attitudes were changing and once a workforce is accustomed to being well treated, they won’t easily return to the way it had been.

The requests began.  "We'd like decent wages!  And shortened work days!  Breaks throughout the day would be nice!"

As more Americans arrived, requests evolved into demands.  "Give us living wages and cost-of-living increases!  We will work for only eight hours, five days a week!  We want health insurance, sick days, vacation days, days off for mourning or to care for ailing family members!"

The greatest fear of all was finally heard.  "And if you don't give us everything we demand, then we're going to form a union!"

Now stopping those workers from crossing into Mexico - or going anywhere near where their old jobs could be found and possibly reclaimed - became a matter of life and death for the corporations who had so cheerfully bought into the Bush Dynasty "Free Ride" plan.

But even when you think you've got them where you want them, those Americans will come up with something shifty and underhanded.  They will find some way to worm themselves into, then ripping up, the fabric successful corporations have established for themselves, woven upon the backs of the lowly and undeserving poor.

And so it was, at the grand unveiling of the new "Mount Bushmore"- the final act of congress being passage of the resolution to re-sculpt the existing presidents’ faces at Mount Rushmore, replacing them with the faces of the Bush Dynasty. 

When, amidst the proper amount of hoopla, the new monument was unveiled before the throngs of hired onlookers, no one was prepared for the dynamite, implanted in each of the Bushs’ chiseled nostrils, which exploded, blowing their noses off!

"Up Your Noses Now!  Up Another Place Next!" came the cries of the insurgents, advocates acting on behalf of the unemployed. 

"There's nowhere on this earth you can go to escape us.  We will cross all the borders and swim all the seas to get our jobs back.  We will educate the rest of the world's poor to demand the rights they deserve as workers for corporations who depend solely upon their output to survive.  We are not helpless and, with nothing to lose, we have everything to gain.  Bring on the corporations!"

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

In an unrelated story, the Office of Homeland Security and Survival released a statement today noting the administration’s approval of a special allocation for NASA.  The space agency has been given the green light to immediately commence developing and constructing space craft for use as passenger service to undisclosed space destinations.

No one was available for comment. 
Email Peggy
© Peggy L. Elliott 2006